i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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