i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
