If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep