The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
