Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
