I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
