I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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