You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
