I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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