i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
