i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
