her vagina looked like bernie madoff
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
