So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
