No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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