So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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