Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
