I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize