my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
