I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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