lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
