It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
