Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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