1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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