Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize