I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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