Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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