none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
