Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
