Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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