I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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