Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
