Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
