I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
