Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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