Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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