what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
