i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
