is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
