mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
