don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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