Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
