Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
