Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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