3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
