i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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