so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
