I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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