I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
