I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
