oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
