you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
