do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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