I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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