I wanna passion pit in your ass
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
