Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
