So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
