I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
