I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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