And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
