I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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