were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
